What’s in a name?

27 Feb

So yes, I’m going to talk about the name change thing. I know this topic has the tendency to get heated at times and can be a trigger for people. So I’m starting off now by saying that I think the decision of what to do with your name when you marry is a very personal choice. There are a wide variety of options on how to handle it, and I don’t think any one option is more right or wrong than the others. This is not about right and wrong. It’s about me and what makes sense to me.

Now, we’ve covered the fact that I’ve been married twice. Along with those two marriages (and divorces) I have managed to change my name a total of 3 times. The name I have today is actually not my maiden name, nor is it the name of my second ex. For those of you keeping track at home, that means I currently have my first ex’s name.

Right. That one was a doozie right? Let’s talk about how I got here. When I got married the first time, I went from maiden to first ex’s name. We got divorced and I changed nothing. When I got married the second time, I went from first ex to second ex’s name. When we got divorced, I went back to my first ex’s name. It’s okay, read that one again. I’ll wait. It’s odd.

The thing is, aside from a year and a half of being married to second ex, I have had the same name for 12 years. In those 12 years, I have really become who I am today. I was young when I married first ex and I was kind of a shadow of myself now. So I built myself and my professional reputation on this name. Also, I like it. I like the way my signature looks. I love the way I sign my initials. It fits me.

But it’s weird right? Because it’s not really mine. In fact, first ex has gone on to remarry and have a son. All with my borrowed last name. I don’t know who that freaks out more… me or his new wife. But that’s beside the point.

I always assumed I would take Mr. Lox’s name. It’s logical. I mean, first of all it seems a bit insulting to cling to my first ex’s name when I’m married to Mr. Lox. And second of all we plan to have children and I think it’s just easier that way. Seriously, it just makes sense.

So why then do I feel this weird sense of loss? I’ll lose my cool signature and my awesome way or initialing documents. But more than that, I’ll lose the visible connection to the me that I spent 12 years becoming. So while my logical reasons for wanting to change my name still exist, I feel this pull and sadness over the loss of a part of myself. Which is ridiculous because it’s just a name. But I feel it all the same.

Where does Mr. Lox stand on this? He seriously honestly and truly is okay with whatever I decide. Even if that decision meant keeping my first ex’s name. (On a side note, this is a man who knows how to handle his woman. If he pressured me in any way whatsoever? I would probably keep my current name. Because I’m ornery like that. And Mr. Lox must know because he never ever puts Baby in a corner.)

Right back to business here. So what is the bottom line? I’m still about 90% sure I’m going to go through with the name change. I need to remind myself that who I am becoming is just as important as who I have already become. I need to remember that this is a new adventure, a fresh start, and our very own blank slate. And regardless of the third word in my name, I will still be me.

Who volunteers to follow me around and remind me of this?

And I know lately there’s been a lot of name changing talk around the Bee. But humor me and tell me where you fall in the wide spectrum of choices when it comes to your own name?


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