Not without regrets

14 Mar

So, let’s get real a bit today and talk about something I know so much of the hive has struggled with at one point or another. Dress regret. That horrible sinking feeling that so many of us feel just days after purchasing our dress. It can be anything from a niggling little doubt in the corner of your mind, to a full on panic. It can overshadow the moment you decided to buy the dress and make you second guess just about everything about it. And for any bride, that can be absolutely terrifying.

I mean, let’s think about it. It makes perfect sense. Even if your dress is not the most expensive item of clothing you’ve ever bought, it’ll probably be memorialized more than anything else you’ve ever worn. There will be more   pictures and more memories attached to this garment than pretty much anything else in your closet. So it is understandably stressful for some of us to make this decision.

Go Away Mr. Lox!

Hive, here is my confession. This weekend was my first dress fitting. And it was the first time I’ve ever felt at peace with my dress decision. Yes, you read that right. that means that for the past 8 months, I have been in varying stages of panic about my dress.

And it certainly isn’t because you weren’t supportive! When I talked about choosing my dress, you all told me in no uncertain terms that I’d done the right thing. And I know that the dress I bought was a better choice than the one I passed up. However, I also know the dress I bought did not have the elements I was looking for. And if I am 100% honest, I stopped looking and bought that dress to make my mother happy. That’s right… I bought my wedding dress for my mother. And from the day after I did that right up until this weekend, there wasn’t a moment I didn’t regret that.

But here’s something you all need to know. I am 100% normal. And so are you. For all the reasons I’ve just mentioned, this is an emotionally loaded purchase. And it doesn’t matter if you’re buying a ballgown, or gorgeous little green cocktail dress, or a suit, your attire is a big decision. You buy it in a moment that’s filled with some kind of emotion for you, most likely. Whether that emotion is joy at fitting a dress into your budget, desire to make your mother feel included, or an overwhelming sense that the dress is just right… that moment is loaded with something. And after it passes and your logical mind takes over again, there is (more often than not) a letdown.

In my case, I felt like I settled too soon to make my mother happy. A few days after my purchase I was sad knowing I had compromised what I wanted for someone else’s happiness. A few weeks after that I was flat out panicked. A couple of times I even cried. And I told no one. I kept it bottled up because I didn’t want Mr. Lox to worry and I didn’t want my mother to feel bad. And I flat out couldn’t afford to buy another dress no matter how I looked at it, so I knew I was stuck. I tried to accept it and move on, but mostly I tried to ignore it. There was nothing I could do.

When my dress came in and I visited it, I felt a little better. But in the interest of full disclosure, you should know that I panicked again after that too. The skirt wasn’t full enough, it didn’t look flattering enough, there was no sparkle. I may have cried again. And again, I told no one.

This weekend, eight months later, I finally fell in love with my dress. The seamstress started pinning it in and that coupled with the giant crinoline we’d stuffed under there started changing the story. And as I watched each piece of attire and jewelry and everything I’d bought over those eight months suddenly fit me and fit together, I knew it was going to be okay. I finally knew it was going to be okay.

So dearest hive, here is my message to you. While I know that some people really and honestly do buy the wrong dress the first time out, I’d bet most of us don’t. That panic you may feel is normal. Try to take some deep breaths, (don’t be like me – talk it out with someone who has a calming effect on you)  and don’t dwell on it for a while. A week, a month…. whatever. Give it some space. And once you’re calm you can revisit it and try to get to the bottom of what’s going on. But that feeling of regret is normal, and possibly temporary. And I promise that one way or another, you’re going to be okay.

The Dress

The moment I knew this would all really be okay.

Have you been through dress regret? How did your dress story end?

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One Response to “Not without regrets”

  1. Kelly March 14, 2011 at 8:59 am #

    Lox, You are in my brain I swear. I have been doubting my choice. The dress comes won’t be in until May. Until then I have revisted the picture of me in a too small dress, with a jacket the wrong color, trying to make it right. I am so worried when the dress comes in I won’t love it and like you I must, because I can’t afford another one. I also hope like you that once it is here and I have on all the accessories, I will rediscover what it was that I loved about it.

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