Getting Down the Aisle

9 May

So this weekend, Miss Sparkler reminded me about my plan to walk down the aisle alone. I know the last time we talked about it, I seemed like there might have been some wiggle room in that decision. That was a little unfair of me because there isn’t. For all the reasons I gave there and then some, I still plan to do this one by myself.

But I haven’t been able to shake the fact that I wouldn’t have made that decision if my step-father were still here to step in. It would have been his greatest joy to escort me down the aisle and I would have been delighted to have him do it. But it is what it is and he isn’t here with us, so that is not a choice I get to make.

So my dears, that brings us to the question of why on earth I’m writing about this again. I mean, if nothing has changed, then why bother to re-open the topic? Well, because something has, in fact, changed.

Like I said, I keep thinking of my step-father when I think about this. So it occurred to me that maybe I could find a way after all to take him down the aisle with me. Enter, my keychain:


I know all of the details have worn off of this, but that’s because I carry it every day. Frank, my step-father, was a policeman for his entire career. It was part of his identity. And what you see above was actually his keychain. It’s a little lego policeman that he always had on his keychain. Six and a half years ago, when he died, my mother took this off of Frank’s keychain and gave it to me. I don’t have much that was his because he had two children of his own and I believe they were entitled to his belongings and memories. But what I have is this. It has lived on my keychain for six and a half years now and it will continue to do so.

Except on my wedding day. This week, I’m going to take Frank’s keychain off of my own. And on my wedding day, I’m going to slip it into the pocket of my dress before the ceremony. And so it will be, that Frank will walk me down the aisle after all. It’s what he would have wanted, I’m sure of it. And it’s the only way I know how to take him with me.

We don’t have memorial candles for those we’ve lost or special mentions in our programs. But this means more to me because it’s a private moment, just Frank and I. I’m not going to tell anyone… probably not even my mother. But I know, and I truly believe Frank will know. And he will be a part of this day and a part of me.

Okay, I’m done with the mushy talk. My bride brain even made me tear up while writing this, which is a much more pratical reason I can’t stomach telling anyone else. (You know, anyone but the great wide internet that is!) I will tell you something unrelated. It hit me about five minutes ago that this time next week, I will be married. Mr. Lox will be my husband. Hive, we are in the home stretch now!

Anyway, is there anyone special that you’re including in an unconventional way?


One Response to “Getting Down the Aisle”

  1. Kelly May 9, 2011 at 3:17 pm #

    I sent you an e-mail via the BEE. I am thinking of you this week! I am excited, nervous and happy for you. IS that crazy? We don’t even know each other, but I still feel like we are friends. Thank you for your honesty, humor and sharing during all of your planning. I can’t wait to hear from you after it is all over. Good Luck and Best Wishes.

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