I Solemnly Vow…

You guys, we are 2 days out from the day. 2! Days! So pardon my utter insanity, pretty please?

One of the things we decided to do for our ceremony was to write our own vows. Or rather, I suggested it and Mr. Lox was on board. I’ve never done this before so I’d like to share the experience with you and perhaps help you from falling into the same trap that I did.

Obviously I read wedding blogs. And so I’ve read multiple times about people writing their own vows. I had visions or us telling each other how much the other means to us, why we love them, and what we promise for the rest of our lives. I did not, however, communicate any of that to Mr. Lox. Now, Mr. Lox does NOT read wedding blogs. After all, why should he when he has me? 😉 So when I said, “Let’s do our own vows!” he had something quite different in mind.

Then we decided it would be super romantic to keep the vows a surprise. You can see what’s coming right?

Mr. Lox sent his vows to the officiant last week, just a day or two before I was ready to send mine. I had about half a page typed that I was still refining a bit. And after he sent his, I had a horrible feeling. A feeling that these two sets of vows were not going to match up. So I asked him, without revealing the content, if he could give me an idea of the structure.

Remember the half a page I had written? He had 7 lines which would take him, by his estimation, roughly 12 seconds to recite. Now, I could have done a few things here. I could have started a “discussion” about the vows. I could have just written super short vows myself. But did I do either of those things? No. In fact, I’m actually proud of what I did next. I realized I had never given the guy any direction at all as to what I was envisioning. So I told him I thought we had different expectations and we just talked about it. He didn’t realize what I was after. When I said something, he offered to beef his up and resubmit. (What a great guy!)

So now, according to the officiant, our vows are comparable. And they are final.

Now comes the fun part. I am now absolutely terrified of reading them at our wedding. What I wrote is all true and is full of everything I wanted to convey to Mr. Lox on our big day. However, when I was writing I was only thinking of him and not the other folks who will be watching us do this. I’m not sure I can get it out without blushing and crying. I’m going to attempt to believe this kind of stage fright is charming. Please don’t attempt to convince me otherwise.

So, are you writing your owns vows? If so, how did you make it work?

Getting Down the Aisle

So this weekend, Miss Sparkler reminded me about my plan to walk down the aisle alone. I know the last time we talked about it, I seemed like there might have been some wiggle room in that decision. That was a little unfair of me because there isn’t. For all the reasons I gave there and then some, I still plan to do this one by myself.

But I haven’t been able to shake the fact that I wouldn’t have made that decision if my step-father were still here to step in. It would have been his greatest joy to escort me down the aisle and I would have been delighted to have him do it. But it is what it is and he isn’t here with us, so that is not a choice I get to make.

So my dears, that brings us to the question of why on earth I’m writing about this again. I mean, if nothing has changed, then why bother to re-open the topic? Well, because something has, in fact, changed.

Like I said, I keep thinking of my step-father when I think about this. So it occurred to me that maybe I could find a way after all to take him down the aisle with me. Enter, my keychain:

I know all of the details have worn off of this, but that’s because I carry it every day. Frank, my step-father, was a policeman for his entire career. It was part of his identity. And what you see above was actually his keychain. It’s a little lego policeman that he always had on his keychain. Six and a half years ago, when he died, my mother took this off of Frank’s keychain and gave it to me. I don’t have much that was his because he had two children of his own and I believe they were entitled to his belongings and memories. But what I have is this. It has lived on my keychain for six and a half years now and it will continue to do so.

Except on my wedding day. This week, I’m going to take Frank’s keychain off of my own. And on my wedding day, I’m going to slip it into the pocket of my dress before the ceremony. And so it will be, that Frank will walk me down the aisle after all. It’s what he would have wanted, I’m sure of it. And it’s the only way I know how to take him with me.

We don’t have memorial candles for those we’ve lost or special mentions in our programs. But this means more to me because it’s a private moment, just Frank and I. I’m not going to tell anyone… probably not even my mother. But I know, and I truly believe Frank will know. And he will be a part of this day and a part of me.

Okay, I’m done with the mushy talk. My bride brain even made me tear up while writing this, which is a much more pratical reason I can’t stomach telling anyone else. (You know, anyone but the great wide internet that is!) I will tell you something unrelated. It hit me about five minutes ago that this time next week, I will be married. Mr. Lox will be my husband. Hive, we are in the home stretch now!

Anyway, is there anyone special that you’re including in an unconventional way?

Let there be wine!

In our initial meeting with our officiant, she asked us a series of questions so she could learn a little bit about us to help her customize our ceremony. It wasn’t very many questions in that she learned how much Mr. Lox and I love wine. In fact, I would wager that is our most prominent shared hobby. We frequent wine tastings and wine dinners. The owner of the best local wine shop knows us by name. We just really enjoy learning more about wine and well, drinking it!

After figuring this out, she suggested we add a wine toast to our ceremony. A what now? I mean, that’s what we thought at least. Please bear in mind, this is before wedding blog land entered my life. Right, so back to how this works. On a table near us during the ceremony, there will be a glass of red wine. At some point, the officiant will say something like this:

Mr. & Miss Lox, because you have pledged your love to one another through the exchange of vows and rings, it is appropriate on this joyous occasion that you make a toast – to life and love!

This wine represents the sweetness and bitterness of life.  Throughout your lives, may you find life’s joys heightened, it’s bitterness sweetened and all things hallowed by true companionship and love.  As you share the wine together from this cup, so too may you share joy and fulfillment from the cup of life.  Drink now, and may the cup of your lives be sweet and full to overflowing!

So yeah. Is it a new idea? No. But it’s new to us and we’re happy to incorporate it into our ceremony. But that’s not where the ideas stopped, oh no. Then I entered wedding blog land and I learned all about the Love Letter and Wine Box ceremony. I know it’s been done by Bees before. In my recent memory, by Mrs. Husky and Mrs. Hot Wings. However, I sent the officiant this link and asked if it could be worked in somehow. She gladly obliged.

I think I’m a bit lethal with a hammer on the best of days, so I think while wearing a wedding dress and being stared at by our nearest and dearest is not the best time to start wielding one. As a compromise, I ordered a custom wine box from Etsy seller arrowsarah. I customized a listing just like this one to include our initials and wedding date as well as placing two locks on the box. I think it turned out quite well.

Wine Box from Etsy seller arrowsarah

Obviously there’s no room in the box for glasses but we always have nice wine glasses available. We’ll fit the letters in by tucking them under the bottle itself. And I’m considering including our mothers one more time by having them hold onto our letters and give them to us at the appropriate time in the ceremony. (The alternative is having them waiting on the table with the box and the wine).  I can’t decide if that’s a good idea or not though, so any opinions are welcome!

Sadly, this will be my last post on personalizing our ceremony for a while. Next time we’re back to crafty details and other wedding frivolity. But I appreciate you all letting me get sappy for a little while with you. 😉

Have you incorporated your interests or personality into your wedding ceremony?

Sealing the promise

When we first met our officiant, of course she really put us at ease and we felt we had connected with her. That’s why we hired her. Well, that and the fact that she came up with some great ceremony ideas that we had never heard of before. One of them was our stone ceremony, which we promptly fell in love with. But that wasn’t her only idea of the day.

One of the things she asked us was if we wanted to incorporate my engagement ring into our ceremony. Now at the time I had never heard of that being done. For what it’s worth, I also hadn’t gotten fully consumed by wedding blog land yet either, so there you have it. But it was new to me so that was pretty cool!

So what does that mean? So glad you asked. It means that I will go down the aisle with zero rings on my finger. Right hand, left hand…. no rings. You get it. After we do the exchange of the wedding bands, our officiant will say something like this:

As wedding rings are symbols of marriage, an engagement ring is a symbol of promise and intent.  Now that the intention is realized and the promise fulfilled, Mr. Lox will place the engagement ring above the wedding band to symbolize that the love which brought them together will always protect and sustain their marriage.

(Let’s just pretend that is not actually an abysmal picture of my ring. I mean, my camera doesn’t have a macro setting so I always have to take these on my cell phone. And also, I’m not good at this. )

I like the idea that my engagement ring is no longer just the ring we picked out together. I mean, it was always more than that. But saying it and incorporating it into our wedding ceremony makes it even more special to me. And I love that it can share equal billing on our big day.

Also, just for the record, it doesn’t fit very well on my right hand. 😉

Are you incorporating anything special into your ceremony?

Who gives this woman?

Let’s take a walk on the serious side today. And talk about… well… walking. Specifically who will walk me down the aisle.

First, a history lesson. In wedding #1, my father walked me down the aisle. He wore a tux and we did it all the traditional way. For wedding #2, we had a “weddingmoon” at Sandals, so it was just the two of us. I walked on the beach to meet my groom alone. Which was no big deal since no one was watching.

So it would seem that this time, I have my choice of whatever I’d like to do, right? Well, sort of. Except not really. Between wedding #1 and here in the present day, my father and I have become estranged. I know the hive isn’t really interested in all my drama llama family issues.

 

And no, my name is NOT Alex. Click for source.

 

Did someone say drama llama? Okay sorry, back to the point. My father and I are estranged. We haven’t spoken in a year and a half and I’m not inviting him to the wedding. So that’s right out. Normally it would be no big deal. I loved my step-father very much and would have been honored to have him walk me down the aisle. He would have loved it too. But he is no longer with us.

So as I thought about it, I thought about what it traditionally means to have someone walk you down the aisle. And here’s the thing. I’m sure I could have asked Momma Lox and she would have been thrilled. But it just doesn’t fit anymore. I’m 33 years old and I’m a fully independent woman. If anything, I’m at that age where we become more of a caretaker for our parents instead of the other way around. And if I’m totally honest with myself, only I can give myself away.

And so I will. I will walk down the aisle alone. Just me, myself, and I. I have doubted this decision and re-made it over and over again. But it still comes back to the same thing.I am entering this marriage on my own, the same way I’ve been doing things for many years now. And I will meet my man at the end of the aisle on my own steam. I will not rush. I will not fall down. I will probably cry. But I can do this. I mean, I think.

Has anyone else decided to brave the aisle alone? How about married ladies who walked alone, did you survive?

In sickness and in health

We all know the classic traditional wedding vows. We’ve heard them a hundred times over. In case they have slipped our minds, here’s a refresher:

“I, (Name),
Take you, (Name),
To be my (wife/husband);
To have and to hold,
From this day forward,
For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish,
‘Till death do us part.”

In there, there’s this tiny statement “In sickness and in health”. Couples say it every day, and I have no doubt they mean it. But now I know, 100% that Mr. Lox is willing to hold up his end of this bridal bargain.

This week, I went back to the doctor. Again. I’ve been hinting at being sick, but it’s been worse than I’ve let on, dear hive. This week when I went to my doctor to follow up, yet again, she said something horrible. “It could be leukemia.”

It was like a bomb dropped in the room. And no sooner did I get out of her office than Mr. Lox was on the phone wanting to know what happened at my appointment. So I had to tell him. And boom went the bomb again. We both spent the better part of this week terrified.

But out of terror, here is what I learned. Mr. Lox is truly beside me, in sickness and in health. He spent his week combing the internet for information. He visited medical sites, Wikipedia, and message boards. He found out how much medication would cost, what treatment would be, how my insurance would respond. By the time I got to a hematologist yesterday, Mr. Lox was an expert on leukemia.

The good news is, I don’t have cancer. No one knows what I do have, but it’s not cancer. And the better news is that I know even if it had been cancer, Mr. Lox was going to be by my side no matter what. “In sickness and in health” was not a vow he would take lightly. Even before we have taken our vows, he is committed to me and to us. No matter what.

We are writing our own vows, or at least that’s the plan right now. So the traditional “in sickness and in health” may not be a part of what he pledges to me. But after this week, it may somehow be a part of what I say to him.

Are you writing your own vows or saying something traditional? What do your vows mean to you?

A box of rocks

This is when you know your wedding has made you somewhat insane.

I got home from work one day and Mr. Lox pointed to the kitchen counter and said “You have a package!” Now, I am roughly the equivalent of a 5 year old about packages in the mail. They are BIG FUN. And this one was especially fun because I had no idea what was in it! So Mr. Lox watched me prance into the kitchen like a little girl on Christmas morning. I had no idea what it was at all… until Mr. Lox said “Try picking it up.” Then I knew. These were……

My rocks!

Yes, it really is a box full of rocks.

See, three kinds of them!

I bet you’re wondering why I’m so excited over a box of rocks. And while I admit, I may be a little insane, I have a good reason. These are being used in our ceremony. As each guest comes in, they will be asked to take a stone before they go to their seats. So when the ceremony starts, it will be a room full of people looking at us and holding these stones. Then our lovely officiant will say something like this:

“When you arrived today, each of you was given a small stone.  As you witness their ceremony, your love and good wishes for Mr. Lox and Ms. Lox will be absorbed by the stone you hold. They will collect and keep these good wishes in their home, and so we ask you to write something on them for the couple and deposit them in the basket on the gift table.”

Which brings me to my next point, these stones are for writing on! Each bag came with a silver metallic pen specifically so people can write on them. So after holding throughout the ceremony, afterwards guests will be directed back to the table where they got them and asked to write something and then leave them for us. How sweet is that?

Now, imagine writing on these in silver.

This was totally our officiant’s idea and in fact, one of the reasons I had to hire her. I love it! So, what are you doing to make your ceremony special? Do you have any personal touches?

(All photos courtesy of yours truly.)